Divide and conquer

My definition of Hell is separation from God and separation from self. For the purposes of this entry, we’ll be focusing on the latter.

Being at war within ourselves is to be at war with the outside world, or vice versa. It’s as if there are different “parts” that are struggling to get on the same page.

We all have these parts, but they tend to become more defined under stress or when there is unresolved trauma present. When our nervous systems are dysregulated it becomes a matter of survival. I’ve seen very few exceptions.

The way I see it, the louder the part, the more severe the trauma that the part is protecting us from.

What usually happens is parts split off in an attempt to sheild us from feeling the full extent of the pain/trauma, and to protect us from it ever happening again.

It’s not unusual to have a part that is constantly surveying the premises (aka “pulling security”) in search of a threat, or a part that wants to comfort or numb us from pain. To the extreme this can become an addiction.

While all this is going on, we still have to function, so there may be an overachiever part, workaholic part, or perfectionistic part to ensure we can make ends meet; and a humor part, caretaking part, or people-pleaser part that ensures we still get our social needs met and aren’t abandoned.

There’s usually a critical or self-monitoring part that seems to think if we judge and hate ourselves first it will hurt less when other people do it.

It’s actually a brilliant survival mechanism, but is not conducive to much else (fufilling relationships, creativity, meaningful work, etc), and can cause alot of harm if the true SELF becomes merged or over-identified with a part.

This happens when a part is taken as the truth of who we are. Example: someone can have a manipulative part that was created in early childhood as a result of abuse or neglect. It may surface as an adult when they feel threatened.

What was once adaptive has now become maladaptive. Often the person hates the manipulative part- which is where the true split begins.

So, the problem arises when we disown a part, one part is running the show, or the parts are unconscious altogether.

Healing begins when we see the parts for what they are (desperate attempts to keep us going) and thank them for all their hard work.

The stronger the true SELF becomes, the less the parts will need to intervene in our lives, or try to kill each other.

To sum it up: when we’re divided internally, we’re only conquering ourselves.

More to come, but check out Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapeutic model created by Richard Schwartz, for a more in-depth explanation.

Photo: Asheville, NC April 2021