I honestly think pity is one of the lowest vibe emotions we have in our repertoire, second only to shame.
As I’m typing this I realize that being pitied and feeling pity may provoke shame- so for the purposes of this entry we’ll call it a tie.
The reason I find pity to be so repulsive is it’s inherently hierarchical nature. If we find ourselves pitying someone, we have already made them “less than” in our minds, or placed them beneath us in some way.
Pity is a defense mechanism to keep others at arm’s length so that we don’t have to feel the difficult emotions they evoke in us.
Pity says “You or your situation makes me uncomfortable, and I’m not willing to sit with that, so I’ll project on you and distance myself so I can feel safe.”
Compassion on the other hand, results in empathy- or “feeling with” someone. This requires courage and vulnerability (Brene Brown).
It is a high vibrational state that allows us to hold the KNOWING that the person in front of us is more than capable of overcoming adversity- and that their current situation is not the truth of who they are.
By practicing empathy we are building our own capacity to hold space for someone without merging or getting lost in their emotional state (enmeshment).
This is stronger option for all involved, and I’m willing to bet it sits better in our bodies as well.
When we focus on our resilience, we gain levity; and I can’t think of anything more needed to navigate today’s world.
Photo: Grayton Beach, FL March 2021
Anatomy of an Awakening 