For helping professionals
In the fall of 2020 I reached out to a therapist that offered Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy to inquire if he was taking new clients. He said he was not, but when he found out I was a therapist, invited me to sign up for an upcoming IFS training.
Well, $1,200 and several hours of online classes and reading material later, I found myself even more burned out than before, and unable to complete the training.
To add to my current state, the whole IFS model registered as a trauma to my system and I spent the next year over analyzing every aspect of my being.
• “Am I fully present?”
• “Is this a part?”
•”Am I being my TRUE authentic self at all times?”
As you can imagine, the result was feeling exhausted, and like the most messed up person on the planet.
What just happened?? Well, through the IFS lense, my “therapist part” had stepped in and hijacked my attempts to heal.
It took the much safer and exponentially less vulnerable route of learning about a modality, instead of actually being guided through the modality as a client.
Hint: you don’t heal your sh** by reading about how to heal your sh** 🤦♀️
So. There I was. ..
For the record, I do get a few points for knowing what I needed originally, but then those same points get revoked for not sticking to it. ..alas.
This whole thing launched me into a thorough exploration of how identified I had become with the “therapist” role and if it was serving me or sabotaging me at this point.
I asked myself a series of questions that I believe can aide in the process of periodic self-inquiry for those in a helping profession.
They are as follows:
• How much of our self-worth do I derive from my work as a therapist?
• Are I truly assisting the client in becoming autonomous, or creating a dependency on myself?
• Is there a resonance with my own unhealed wounds, and those of people I work with?
• If so am I accepting the invitation to heal my own “stuff?”
• Do I default to over caretaking for people in my personal life to avoid my own healing work?
• Does my “therapist part” step in and attempt to analyze situations instead of feeling them (aka bypassing)?
While no one has all the answers, and I truly believe that we’re all just doing the best we can most days- we owe it to ourselves and our clients to check ourselves every once in awhile to ensure we’re engaging in a healthy and ethical way for all involved.
Photo: Winston-Salem, NC January 2022
Anatomy of an Awakening 