For all of us
While we’re on the topic of hard questions, there are a few more that may be helpful right about now:
• Is my personality comprised solely of protective parts, coping mechanisms, and survival strategies?
• Are all my relationships trauma bonds?
• Is my whole body scar tissue?
It’s natural to freak out a little when realizing the extent that trauma (developmental or acute) has impacted our lives- as it can permeate throughout relationships, careers, and living situations.
This is where self-compassion can make all the difference. The past version of ourselves most likely did the best they could with the knowledge, skills, and resources available to them at the time.
Much easier said than done, but if possible try adopting an attitude of curiosity when doing personal work. This helps neutralize self-judgement and prevent the dreaded descent into what Brene Brown termed a “shame spiral.”
It’s also really easy to get caught up in “what might have been,” and imagine who we would be if we weren’t interfered with, and instead allowed to peacefully glide along the expected life trajectory.
While I wouldn’t suggest getting stuck at this point forever, exploring it may assist in accessing grief that is otherwise out of reach.
Grieving for the parts of ourselves that we lost (or never knew) can be a neccessary step in moving forward.
Speaking of moving forward- what does that even look like?
Great question….see Part 4!
Photo: Winston-Salem January 2022
Anatomy of an Awakening 