The only way out of the hell we create is taking radical ownership of our participation in relationships, jobs, etc that are causing harm.
I wish I had better news, but I dont. Unless we do our own healing work on the parts of us that resonate with the harmful person/situation, then we’ll most likely repeat the same scenario.
What we allow is what we’ll get. What goes unacknowledged will continue.
Three things to explore:
1. Is there an underlying belief that I deserve abuse or that I am not worthy of a healthy relationship/job/living situation?
Subconscious beliefs will materialize in the external to give us an opportunity to resolve them. This is amazing and terrifying.
There is a universal law about homeostasis and congruence. The outside will literally arrange and rearrange itself to match our internal beliefs.
2. Am I getting a benefit from participating in this?
Sometimes there’s a need to play the role of the victim or martyr. If this is the case, I guarantee you’ll earn every ounce of whatever it is you’re seeking.
There is a trade-off here, and conducting a cost/benefit analysis may help decide if it’s really worth the price you’re paying.
No judgement if this one hits too close to home- it’s just a really hard way to go.
3. Am I over-focusing on the “other” as a way to avoid my own work?
Aka: wanting them to change so we don’t have to.
The imagery that comes to mind is a literal banging of your head against a wall. Actually that may be a more productive usage of your time/energy.
They cant see you. They’re acting out their own issues and you just happen to be in the vicinity.
They will stop the behavior when it’s no longer serving them. Until then, it is how it will be.
Photo: Manteo, NC January 2022
Anatomy of an Awakening 