When doing our own self-exploration, I can’t emphasize enough the importance of adopting an attitude of gentle curiosity around what surfaces.
All too often I catch myself slipping into judgement, which I suspect is the ego’s way of protecting me from what I may find.
While it’s very well-meaning, the truth is I am strong enough to hold whatever surfaces- and am ready to let go of the (perceived) safety the ego is attempting to provide.
The second we put parameters around what surfaces, we’ve automatically disallowed it, and thus missed a golden opportunity to get to know that part of ourselves.
When we create shame around aspects of ourselves, we actually guarantee they will stay hidden and keep running the show from behind the scenes.
In the journey to reparent ourselves we can easily become the abusive authority figure that we’re trying to heal from.
Working with disowned or hidden parts of ourselves (aka our shadow), is very vulnerable and sensitive work.
Since we’re likely to encounter fragmented inner child parts, it’s important to take the role of shame into consideration. As the “adult” in the room, it up to us to create a safe container for the inner child(ren) to feel seen and heard.
Our inner child selves have most likely already felt shame, which is why they had to split off in the first place.
Before allowing us to work with them, they need to know two things:
1. “Is it okay to be me?”
2. “Is it safe enough to come out from underneath the bed?”
Once they feel secure in the knowledge that we can stay present for their biggest feelings and experiences, they often relax and allow themselves to be welcomed back into the “family” (aka our personality structure and inner world).
Photo: West Asheville, NC April 2022
Anatomy of an Awakening 