Calling it in

This picture was taken in Nov of ’22. ..but more about it in a min 😉

I want to rewind to May of 2020- Memorial Day weekend, to be exact.

I had driven through the night to the FL panhandle to get away from the frenetic energy of Nashville after having a panic attack on my 34th birthday 🤦‍♀️

It was triggered by a paint smell in an Airbnb (chem sensitivities were at an all-time high in ’19 and ’20), and it was just the last straw for me at that point- for reasons that are outside the scope of this post.

Fast forward, I was sitting on the beach and thinking how my life was a wreck, and asking myself how had I wandered so far from what felt like my “true self” . ..etc. ..when I saw a beautiful couple playing in the water.

They looked so happy and carefree. He was picking her up and spinning her around. She was splashing him.

They were clearly very comfortable with each other and seemed to not even notice the 100’s of vacationers/pandemic refugee people they were surrounded by.

In that moment, something inside of me said: “I want that.”

There was no hesitation, confusion, or doubt. It was the easiest, most natural thought I’d ever had.

It bypassed my logical mind that may have had 10 reasons why it wasn’t a possibility for me (especially then), and settled in my body, as if to say “done.” ✔️

The word that comes to mind is “resolute.”

Fast forward to late summer of ’22. ..Mystery Person and I were splashing in the water.

I threw a handful of seaweed-like material at him. He dodged it.

We were laughing and joking, and I suspect putting on a little show for the people nearby, when I realized, WE ARE THEM.

I am HER.

I got exactly what I wanted ✨️

We didn’t actually last very long after these pictures were taken; but that doesn’t negate my experience of realizing I was living IN my own creation that I basically magnetized to me (co-created).

At some point, I unconsciously began a study on the topic of WANTING, and I am finally ready to write about it.

It will most likely be a 3-part series and will cover the following:

• Conditioning around wanting (why it feels wrong, selfish, or audacious).
• How we usually get what we want (one way or another).
• Why it’s okay to change our mind about what we want, or wish it would show up in a different way (oops).

Stay tuned 🙌