Men/women relating

I have a lot on my mind, but I have at least been blessed with a beautiful landscape as a backdrop to my personal work (see pic).

It’s still really hard 🙃😭

I’m going to try to give an overview of my thoughts here, but will rely on comments to determine what to elaborate on- so thank you in advance 🙏

We are in a mess as far as men/women relating. Women have been sold a lie that it’s actually possible to fix men if only we are nurturing enough, or do x,y,z thing, but I just haven’t found this to be the case.

I cannot fix a man’s inner war with himself.

This realization has come to me after years of trying, only to realize that on some level, I was doing it so secure my own sense of safety.

Not that I didn’t hope they would find peace and have a good life, but I also hoped they would get better so they could be what I needed them to be.

This is the shadow side of codependency that’s actually just a different side of the narcissism coin.

I’ve already written a lot about how we can exhibit narcissistic traits anytime we’re needing something from the other person to access a sense of safety. If you’re interested in hearing more about that, leave a comment and I’ll post the link.

There’s always been something in me that ran towards the threat instead of away- that determined (usually incorrectly) that the solution was to try to make it better instead of just leaving.

This looks like trauma bonds and Stockholm Syndrome, and I feel safe in my assumption that I’m not alone in this.

Men and women are both so traumatized and programmed at this point, that it’s hard to tell what’s what, but I do know that men need other men to hold space for their anger and rage, but are unfortunately too ashamed to be vulnerable. ..so the women are the ones that see it, but are powerlessness against what is now generations of trauma passed down.

So we turn away in horror, which only serves to reinforce that masculinity is “toxic” when really it was the absence of true masculinity that created this.

I am not even saying they don’t have a right to be angry or that the trauma is not valid- it’s actually the opposite. I’ve been the one to point out on multiple occasions (with various people) that they prob could benefit from addressing what looks to be pretty severe trauma- but that wasn’t always very well received, as they took it to mean I was dismissing whatever they were upset over in the present day (the trigger).

I’m not even denying there isn’t plenty to be upset over in the present day, I’m just saying I can’t fix it, and that it usually goes a long way in decreasing reactivity to present day triggers when we address the original core wound, but I digress. ..

What did not help the situation was the biggest psyop of all time, aka the feminism movement- which was ultimately created to get more bodies into the workplace and thus collect more tax dollars.

This only served for further breakdown the family unit, as it resulted in men being emasculated and feeling like they had nothing to offer after they spent their whole lives doing what they were told and put financial gain above all else (which was required for survival in this system we’ve created), women are sicker and more exhausted than ever (think hormone imbalance and autoimmune issues) due to regularly operating in environments that make it impossible to honor our natural rhythms (female veteran here 🙋‍♀️) and nurture our families (can anyone say burnout and having nothing left to give), and last but not least: children are left vulnerable to whatever the hell is being taught in the schools (aka indoctrination centers). ..which is resulting in them having the same attachment wounding and relational trauma as the generations before them- so the cycle continues.

So, back to men/women relating (speaking from a heterosexual perspective here). ..I think we can each do our part to heal our own trauma and access a sense of safety in our bodies AND deprogram ourselves so that we don’t immediately view our partner as the enemy and/or operate from our own masculine/feminine imbalances and shadow programs- but I still believe we can only go so far in helping the other person heal their wounds (caused by either gender), and can do even less if there’s already an adversarial tone.

So, while I don’t have all the answers, I felt a need to describe the current operating environment as I see it, in hopes that it will help raise awareness where these matters are concerned and be one small step in the direction of healing for everyone.

Sidenote: I’ve tried dating someone that was raised in a culture where most of the school teachers were self-proclaimed feminists, which really just meant they projected their fear and anger towards men onto young boys.

The boys then grew up to exhibit the exact issues you would expect them to have after being taught that they’re single handedly responsible for slavery and womens’ oppression- at the age of 6 🤦‍♀️

..so children learning that they’re a danger and a “white male colonizer” baby helped make the world a better place, how? 🤔

. ..and just in case we’re waiting on Jesus to come back before we do our own healing work, then I’d like to present the possibility of him coming back then leaving again and telling us to clean up this mess we’ve made 😭

We cannot wait for someone to save, fix, or rescue us. We experience Heaven on earth by creating the world we want to live in.

In summary: our world is a dumpster 🔥 . ..we need men and women to help ourselves and each other overcome this before we literally blow ourselves up and end the species once and for all (even though I’ve wondered at times if that’s what it will take)!

Amen 🙏

. ..and thank you for coming to my Ted talk 🙃👏👏👏

Photo: Grayton Beach, FL March 2023