Over the past few years, I’ve done two things:
1. Leaned into my growth edge when writing
blog entries.
2. Explored different ways of showing up to,
and engaging with social media.
I often feel called to speak on things that may be controversial or off-putting to some people (even close friends).
Writing is a calling for me and feels like a devine obligation at times. A labor of love.
While I do love writing, some days it would be a lot easier not to do it, except for the inevitable dis-ease I’ve always experienced when Im not being true to myself 🤦♀️
So, in order to birth what wants to come through me, I’ve had to develop an intimate relationship with the parts of myself that felt anxious at the idea of rocking the boat.
The loudest protector parts were 💯 these 3:
• “Good Girl” stay small, keep the peace, be
seen and not heard, rewarded for
self-abandonment.
• “Therapist” attune to everyone (except
yourself), make others feel comfortable
and secure. Remember that everyone is
fragile, so don’t say or do anything that
could destabilize them.
• “Southern Christian Woman/ Stepford Wife”
steer clear of anything negative, sugarcoat
everything, always see the best in people,
upbeat and cheerful at all costs, give and
serve to your own detriment.
All of these make up the mask self (ego) and were created to keep me safe. However, another name for ego could be the wounded inner child, who obviously had different safety needs than a grown adult.
As an adult, it’s usually not UNSAFE to piss someone off, not be liked, and even let go of some people/ relationships over time.
However, it can certainly feel life threatening to the parts of us that think they need the people approval, to make everyone else happy, etc. ..that’s why it’s called an EGO DEATH.
Those protector parts have to be integrated into the whole in order for us to fulfill our calling. If not, they’ll self sabotage even our best efforts.
I think it’s fun to personify the CALLING and develop a relationship with it. To fight a little with what it’s asking of us and all the promises it’s NOT making (popularity, financial abundance, prestige/ recognition).
Laying our weapons down and rising to the occasion may feel like we will surely perish- only to be met with a more authentic version of ourselves on the other side.
As I’m writing this, I’m wondering if that’s the whole point 😉🤷♀️
Photo: Destin, FL August 2023
Anatomy of an Awakening 