“What if ?” Part 2

Continuation of last post:

Pic of Shelly for the sake of continuity, and because she’s beautiful 🌺

So, what does it look like to deviate from our default tendencies and to go off-roading from the well-carved neural pathways in our 🧠 ?

We could apply it in any area of our lives, but I’ve been particularly focused on the area of communication.

For example, if I’d normally reach out to someone but have decided to put some space there, I pause before texting/calling and ask myself questions like:

• “Are there feelings/ emotions I’m avoiding
by doing this?”

• “Is there a dreaded task I’m procrastinating,
and if it was complete, would I still want to
reach out?”

• “What am I needing or wanting from them,
and am I better off sourcing it elsewhere?”

• “Am I using this person as an escape from
myself?”

It occurred to me recently that by running my standard “reach out” program, I could be depriving myself of the experience of people calling/texting first because the desire to connect surfaced within them organically.

. ..or conversely, they do not desire to connect, they never reach out, and the relationship falls away. In this way, it was acting as a protector, shielding me from the truth that I thought I couldn’t handle.

I call the new way “the path of non-interference,” and it feels more peaceful than past ways of relating; which could look like initiating correspondence in an attempt to escape being alone, or to quell an underlying fear of being forgotten or even altogether invisible.

Whatever the intellectual “reason” appeared to be, the “reach out” program was, at the core, a very dysregulated nervous system’s attempt to access a sense of safety. It was a protector part that was very well-meaning but had run its course.

Not only do I just not need it anymore, but it was actually in the way of me having what I do want, which is quality alone time with myself AND fulfilling/reciprocal relationships with people who also want to be in them.

Who knew that the more internally resourced we are, the more levity we have to experiment with new ways of showing up to our life and the more space we can give our TRUE self to unfold 🙏✨️