Just sayin

It’s easier to blame the SEE-er instead of taking ownership of what’s being seen.

I remembered recently that my family used to say they were all fine until I came home (from college).. .wow, I’m really sorry to single-handedly destabilize the whole system by my mere presence 🙃

But seriously, if it was that fragile, then maybe there was some dysfunction already present before I arrived on the scene?🤰👶

Maybe I wasn’t the whole entire problem. ..maybe a child never is 🤔

This wound was triggered recently when a man I dated last year told me that his emotional dysregulation, hyper-reactivity to political events, and inability to be present were because he knew our relationship wasn’t right, but didn’t know how to get out of it 🙄

While I completely understand feeling frozen and immobilized in relationships and being unsure how to proceed, to pretend that our issues didn’t exist before the relationship, or that they’re magically all better afterwards is a cop-out.

When we’re overstimulated and at capacity (I was too) we’re given an opportunity to see what’s underneath the protector parts and ego personas. It’s rarely pretty, and if our system isn’t equipped to hold the discomfort and actually look at it, then yes, we will have to get out asap.

I’m excited to meet a man who can stay present with me even when (not if) we’re both triggered and unsure how to move forward.

Who has done enough personal work to hold space for my process, even when it’s messy; and who I trust and respect enough to recieve constructive feedback from, as opposed to being met with wounded inner child insults and/or shadow projections.

Self-awareness and emotional regulation are also on the list 😉 🙌

In the meantime, I will be taking an honest inventory of the multiple ways that I contributed to the dynamic and how I can show up differently in the future.

I take 💯 ownership of calling the situation into my life to act as a mirror so I could SEE where I still have healing work to do; and I hold both parties with compassion as I acknowledge we really can’t know what’s “in there” til it starts to come out, so. ..🤷‍♀️

To be fair, the conversation I’m referencing occurred on text, so there’s a lot of room for misinterpretion.

I also acknowledge that we’re all allowed our own perspective, and ultimately our own reality; and that I don’t get a say in someone else’s takeaways from a situation. He’s allowed his process, just as I’m allowed mine.

We all have unique layers to peel back that are largely influenced by our life history (maybe even past life) and the lessons our souls contracted to learn and clear. Each person’s pacing is also different and determined by multiple factors.

The reason I decided to share this is not to throw anyone under the bus. I highly doubt he still reads my blog, and we have approx 2.5 mutual friends, lol. ..

It’s simply to share my process as a way to honor my human experience, as opposed to spiritually bypassing it (as it is so easy for me to do).

If anything I ever write or share has the added benefit of assisting even one person in feeling more understood or giving them a nudge towards the next “level,” then even better 🙌 ✨️