The pattern breakers

Sit with the pattern breakers. The conversation is different.

Every family has one. I can think of no exceptions.

Some pattern breakers are also the family “scapegoat,” which I described in a blog entry as the “release valve of a toxic family system.”

This person tends to absorb the family’s disowned shadow material, then are usually cast out when no one else is willing to look at it.

They are the physical embodiment of the dysfunction, and usually exhibit physical or mental health symptoms.

The story is usually some version of this person is “crazy,” “playing the victim,” etc

That’s convenient.

See, with that as the story, none of the other family members have to look at their own issues. It’s functional. It’s protective.

It allows them to project onto the graven image they’ve created, and absolves them of guilt over the way they’ve treated the scapegoat. It’s also a way to discredit them.

If the other members of the family system allowed themselves to think for one min that maybe the scapegoat knows something they don’t (or that they aren’t completely crazy) then they’d be thrown into . ..the work that the scapegoat has been doing for years 🤦‍♀️

They would also start arriving at conclusions at the age of 35, 45, 55, that the scapegoat had to be with at the age of. ..6 😭

See what I’m getting at here?

It’s a tired, worn-out story, and I can spot it from a mile away.

I kid you not, for one whole year I attracted nothing but men who told me some version of them not being close to their older sisters because she had gone rogue, was “crazy” (sometimes having an addiction), “book smart, but no common sense,” and were wayward in some way (unconventional career, artistic, traveled alot).

It’s shocking she doesn’t want to come around more 🙄

. ..actually, can I get her number? She seems a lot more fun 😂

To be fair, the pattern breaker is not always the oldest, nor is it always the women. This pattern just revealed itself to me in that way because where I was at the time.

I plan to write at least 2 more entries on specific family dynamics I’ve been studying in my free time, lol. ..stay tuned 🙏

Quick note:

The men I mentioned were older than me (usually 40’s) and the sisters they spoke of were late 40’s or 50’s. They seemed confused as to why she left and seemed to feel hurt/rejected on some level (not consciously).