Updating my criteria 🤓

This is a post from an influencer I follow who’s sharing about his upcoming Awakened Masculine Program.

It scrolled across my social media feed this morning and reminded me of how I’ve majorly changed what I’m looking for in a partner in the past year or two.

Sidenote: notice I titled this entry “updating,” as opposed to “upgrading.” This is literally about me getting clarity on what works for me. It will not be true for everyone, I can 💯 guarantee that!

Anyways, a few years ago, I briefly dated someone who could go to the moon and back with me as far as discussing ideas, concepts, and theories, but that did not always translate to our everyday lived reality.

It seemed like we connected in a different dimension or a higher realm at times but could not make it work on the actual 3D Earth plane 🤦‍♀️

It was all very magical until we dusted the sand off and came in from the beach, or actually tried to make plans or decisions together at all- about anything.

I learned so much from that experience, and as painful and confusing as it was at times, I’ve arrived at neutrality with it.

As far as what im looking for in a partner these days:

I still prioritize intelligence, open mindedness, and the capacity to connect on a deeper level; but I’ve realized I don’t require someone to know or subscribe to every spiritual concept or to have read all the personal growth and self-help books, etc.

I’m not saying that it wouldn’t be cool if he did those things, but I had an epiphany one day that what I really want is more of a healthy counterbalance; and that the man who can provide that for me may be more focused on his purpose work, maintaining or improving his physical fitness, and investing in his significant relationships, as opposed to other activities that may be considered more “spiritual” by some.

Once again, he could just be out there doing it all lol, but the more likely scenario is he had to pick his top 3-5 priorities and go with it.

This is actually fine, because news flash: I did too!

I’m currently focused on my writing (new project announcement coming soon 🙌), health and wellness (this will always be a priority), and starting my coaching practice.

If a man needs a partner that is big into the social scene, wants to go out on the boat every weekend, or plans to travel out of the country for an extended period of time, I am most likely not her. I’m also pretty basic in my appearance for the most part.

So it goes both ways, which brings me an odd sense of peace for some reason 🤷‍♀️

Making these subtle shifts in determining what I want in a partnership went a long way in updating my operating system across the board.

It’s like I realized I wasn’t as “emotionally needy” as I thought I was- for lack of a better term 🤦‍♀️

. ..or maybe I just thought I needed different things than I actually do!

As I’ve done a lot of personal work to heal codependency over the years, I no longer need someone to hear and validate my every thought, share all my beliefs, or to feel my feelings with me (or for me).. .that’s my job.

I’ve also learned that I don’t require (or even want) the frequency of correspondence that I thought I did. In retrospect, I can see how two people can get stuck in this dynamic and not even realize when it’s become maladaptive.

Anyways, no judgment on the past, but the more I’ve healed my nervous system, the more I actually enjoy my alone time. It’s time for me to be in my own headspace and energy field, which is usually a fun and happy place to be 😊

More on the communication piece later, but back to what I’m looking for in a partner.

The type of masculine energy I hope to attract is grounded, present, and emotionally regulated. He is the captain of his ship and truly owns himself.

I’m not saying these qualities can’t coexist with knowledge of our chakra system, spiritual practices, experience with plant medicines and/or meditation retreats; but what I’m looking for is a specific energetic signature that allows me to relax into my feminine energy– which isn’t dependent on a checklist.

See, when I’m in the presence of a man who is fully embodied and capable of holding space for my process, I automatically feel more secure within myself, the relationship, and the world; which could absolutely account for the changes I mentioned above in the areas of correspondence, needing to have the same views, etc.

I’m learning that safety is a non-negotiable prerequisite for me and that as boring as it may sound, it’s also the gateway to freedom and expansion.

When we’re operating from a stable base, we can move mountains 🙌

I’m excited to see offerings like Awakened Masculine Program popping up, as I feel pretty safe in saying very few of us were taught these things growing up.

There were very few rites of passage built into our society, and in the absence of these initiations, we tend to just stumble into adulthood, feeling ill-prepared and maybe even disempowered. I’ve found that’s it’s never too late to circle back and fill in the gaps, however, and to provide a little more guidance to the next generation.

One last thing:

If you’re finding yourself triggered by the talk of masculine/feminine energies on social media these days, I get it. It seems like they’re always telling us how we should be (“real men do this,” “real women do that”), or a new thing we have to do.

I think we’re all just trying to see ourselves and have a tendency to take it overboard with these themes. I’ve found it’s helpful to exaggerate concepts for a time in order to truly grasp them, but then return to a more sustainable middle ground.

For more on this, see the work of Dr. Kelly Brogan- particularly her podcast titled Reclamation Radio on Spotify. She’s done a great job of defining masculine and feminine energies and how to properly integrate them within ourselves and in the external world (man/woman relating and polarity dynamics).

I’m not saying I agree with every single thing she says on the topic, but it is a good overview, and sure beats me trying to reinvent the wheel 😅

More to come on my UPDATED definition of masculinity 🙌