Here are some fish. They live in the water from the previous post. They are what I would consider a mildly redemptive characteristic of the yucky little beach.
Personally, they aren’t nearly redemptive enough to keep me there- especially with the beautiful white sandy beaches of the gulf just on the other side of the harbor!
I didn’t think of this until just now, but why was even at this little park anyways!? 🤔😅
Anyway. .. to address the question of “Can people with narcissistic traits change?”
As a former therapist, and as someone who has done a lot of personal healing work, I would say technically yes, they can, but that it’s very difficult.
It’s not something you just wander into, and it usually takes a major life event or losing basically everyone for someone to decide that they want a different experience.
The reason I say this is at that level of disconnection from themselves, they may require a louder message than if they were tuned into their enter knowing or hearing the “whispers of the wind,” as Pocahontas would say 🙃
If you’re bringing it to their attention that something isn’t working and that change may be needed, it’s highly unlikely you’ll also be the one to actually see the change.
Unfortunately, you may be one of the people they have to lose.
While it can be very sad to realize we may never get to see the “healed” version of some people, it’s important to understand that they really didn’t get the healed version of us either!
If we have to self-abandon in order to keep the peace or to regularly disconnect from our bodies (and our true thoughts and feelings along with them), then we aren’t being respectful of ourselves or the other person.
In my opinion, we aren’t doing ourselves or anyone else any favors when we stay in relationships where we can’t show up authentically or be fully present, and sometimes the most loving this we can do for everyone involved is to walk away.
While I can definitely identify the ways in which they didn’t show up for me or all the ways I felt let down, disappointed, betrayed, or outright unsafe, it may be a better usage of my time and resources to look at the ways in which I was actually not a safe place for them in many ways either- even if I was, I’m no longer willing to be.
What does that say about me?
Can I accept myself if I’m not “strong enough” to handle it, or if I just don’t want to?
What if their behavior is 💯 due to their own trauma, and what if that knowledge alone isn’t enough to keep me there?
Am I actually allowed to think that someone is just too traumatized for me to regularly engage with them?
Coming from a background of codependency and enmeshment, where I developed survival strategies of saving, fixing, and rescuing others, it is extremely hard to sit with these questions, but my willingness to do so has been my way out of hell.
It’s the only way I could actually guarantee I wouldn’t recreate what I’d just come out of.
It may sound insensitive or harsh, but it’s what worked for me. These dynamics can be chemically addicting (adrenaline and cortisol), so extricating ourselves from them often requires a mind over matter approach.
I’m going to be bold here and say that anyone who encourages you to stay in relationships that are draining or unhealthy is showing that they have not done their own personal work and is operating out of their own wounding.
They are most likely projecting their own fears about people leaving them or trying to justify why they’re staying in a dysfunctional relationship.
Regardless, you’re allowed to do what you need to do for yourself, because God knows other people don’t hesitate to do what they need to do for themselves- but we can’t wait for them to see what we need and to change, especially when they benefit from the relational imbalance.
A phrase that’s helped me so much as I navigate these themes is:
“I will not participate in the lie.”
I have chosen to step away and stop participating in, and thus perpetuating the illusion that everything is fine. I’ve often found that things are fine as long as I be quiet and play along, which is not my definition of fine!
Anyway, if you’re going through this, know you’re allowed your process and that a more peaceful and authentic life awaits you on the other side
Anatomy of an Awakening 