Feeling pretty heartbroken this morning. Someone I deeply care about is in a really tough spot, and I’m pretty sure I made it a lot worse.
They acted impulsively and are now facing a process in the coming months that we all hope to never go through.
I was admittedly in a place of shock and fear, which got converted to anger (“how could they let this happen!?”) when we spoke, and it showed.
I said the exact wrong thing at probably the worst time and even though I believe in a spiritual way that everything is purposeful, and that it all has to come out to be seen eventually, man it was not good.
Seperate thought, but still related to this situation. ..
As I’m taking some time to reflect this morning, I’m reminded how we’re all connected and that the shock waves of events ripple throughout the entire system, like the domino effect. Every occurrence sets a process into motion.
Even the “worst” most “messed up” or “craziest” people are really just symptom bearers.. .of the relationship, the family system, the community, the world.
When these events happen (legal involvement, inpatient mental health stay, it’s really easy to rally around the person and tell them it will be okay. That they didn’t mean it. That they have a good heart. ..throw in some home baked muffins and a few Bible verses and call it a day.
While all of this is surely well meaning, it only serves to “other” them and further reinforce the idea that it’s just them. Just that one person. Just that one incident.
When really, if we zoom out, it may be a collection of souls who chose to incarnate here together to work through some karma. …zoom up a little closer, a culture that’s been oppressed since the beginning of time, a family lineage holding so much pain, the only option is to turn away and unintentionally keep passing it down.
It didn’t start with just one, and it won’t be healed with just one. Until we’re all willing to look at the part that we play in these relationships and systems, the suffering will continue.
-me
Quick note in comments section about the personal work I’m doing around this.
More to come ❤️🙏
Photo: Austin, TX November 2023
Anatomy of an Awakening 
As easy as it is for me to analyze other peoples’ lives, I’m taking this morning to be with my own stuff, specifically what comes up for me around this recent situation.
I’m not sure where I’ll land with everything, but I’ll most likely do a post on themes around my own tendency to “other” people, and maybe even one on how I actually wasn’t an emotionally safe person for the friend I mentioned, despite that being my actual job for many years (therapist), and probably taking some pride in the idea that I was.
So, while it would be self-centered to think I single-handedly caused this, I do know I contributed to the person not feeling very supported or resourced when they were faced with the triggering event.
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Practice, practice, practice (I tell myself)
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Agreed 💯
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And, of course, by judging oneself for ones reaction one is “othering” oneself. So to help the other person one can model self acceptance for less than ideal behavior
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Oh very true, my wise friend! 🙏✨️
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