Some of you may know that plant medicines have been a really invaluable part of my journey. The term “plant medicines” is often used to describe psychedelics, and while I have had experiences with them, the one that is the most powerful for me right now is actually tobacco (not hallucinagenic most days 😅).
It’s the pure tobacco plant with no additives, carcinogens, etc.
I used it for the first time in Puru several years ago when I sat with Ayahuasca for the first time.
We stayed with several members of the Shipibo tribe, including our female Shaman, Manuella. The tobacco used in ceremonies was called mupacho and is said to help dispell negative spirits prior to medicine ceremonies. I found it to be very calming and was pleasantly surprised to find that I wasn’t bothered by the smoke it produced.
Fast forward to last summer in Asheville, and the tobacco plant showed up for me again – but this time it was made into a paste and came in a little tub. It is called Ambil.
A man I was seeing at the time introduced me to it and facilited several ceremonies for us over the course of a few weeks.
When we ended, I didn’t seek out the tobacco to use on my own. It was very activating for me, and I honestly didn’t feel strong enough to sit with it on my own at the time (it wasn’t unusual for my body to twitch and jerk involuntarily, or for it to feel like the room was spinning lol).
The energy of the plants can trigger a nervous system release, so it’s not something to enter into lightly.
Fast forward to June of this year. I was in Sarasota, FL and randomly felt called to work with it again. It felt counterintuitive at first because of the heat, but I thought maybe it was my body’s way of getting stronger/aclimating.
I committed to sitting with it at least once a day for for 30 days.
To say it changed my life is an understatement.
It has a masculine energy, and has a really grounding and calming effect on me at this point. It can still be really intense, but I’ve learned to breathe through it.
I set an intention to strengthen my own inner masculine energy so that I could have the infrastructure and scaffolding to create and sustain the life I truly want.
Woven in there somewhere was also the desire to attract a healthy masculine counterpart in the external world, which is why I needed to strengthen my masculine energy.
For those of you who have studied polarity teachings, this may seem counterintuitive as well, but I read something a few years ago that said that the men we attract match our inner masculine, and that made so much sense to me.
So anyways, over the past few months I’ve continued to develop my relationship with the tobacco (Ambil) and still make a point to sit with it several times a week.
Well, today I got my new little tub in the mail and realized quickly upon opening it that the consistency is very different- possibly because the package sat outside for awhile (?)
I’m not sure if I used more than usual or if it’s a stronger batch – or the energy of the land I am on is just really intense or what, but I immediately felt like I was going to be sick.
I went to the bathroom fully prepared to throw up, it was that “bad”!
I was sitting on the edge of my shower, curled up in a little ball and all of a sudden this phrase dropped in:
“I accept what the medicine has to offer me.”
Immediately the nauseous feeling went away and relief swept over me. My entire physiology changed, just by accepting what is (was).
It was so powerful that I started thinking about how that phrase could apply to any and every aspect of life- because isn’t it all medicine?
Whether it’s a job, living situation, relationship, etc. ..I’ve written a blog on how life is our medicine, and I truly believe that.
Even when it’s a “bitter pill,” there’s still something there for us to see or to learn.
We can’t bypass the human experience, and we can’t undo the effects of a plant we’ve already ingested 😅
However, I believe we CAN learn to skillfully navigate life, and soften the medicinal effects by surrendering to it and practicing radical acceptance.
This is interesting too: my first thought was “I can’t handle this much,” but once the sensations calmed, I realized I actually don’t require as much.
I’ve seen that be true in my life as well: the more willing I am to see what I’mbeing shown, and to sit with my own “stuff” when it comes up, the less stressful and dramatic it needs to get before I adjust my course.
I call it listening to the gentle whisper instead of waiting for life to throw a brick at my head 🙃
Im grateful for both the plants and my life regularly reminding me that I am held, and that it’s safe to surrender and trust that it will all work out – most of the time even better than I imagined, and with more grace and ease than when I resist and/or try to control it 🫠
